One of you wants sex more than the other. It's the most common issue couples have, and it almost never means love is gone. Desire rises and falls for both of you. Here's how to close the gap.
- How common
- Very common
- Best for
- Long term couples
- Takes
- Honest talks
- Even better with
- No blame
01Why sex drives differ
Stress, tiredness, hormones, medication, children, body image and unresolved arguments all affect desire. So does the kind of desire you have. Some people feel horny out of nowhere. Others only feel it once they're being kissed and touched. Both are normal.
02How to talk about it
-
1
Drop the blame
Neither of you is broken. You have a difference to solve together.
-
2
Share how it feels
The one who wants more may feel rejected. The other may feel pressured. Say so kindly.
-
3
Find the cause
Ask what gets in the way. Tiredness and stress are the usual answers.
-
4
Agree a plan
Decide on small changes you'll both try.
03Ways to meet in the middle
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Plan it
Put time for each other in the diary. Planned sex still counts.
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Widen the menu
Hands, oral, massage or kissing all count as sex.
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Touch more
Hug and kiss daily with no expectation that it leads anywhere.
04Bringing desire back
- Sleep more and stress less where you can.
- Flirt during the day. Try sexting.
- Take pressure off by ruling out intercourse for a week.
- Do something new together. See how to make sex exciting again.
Where to go next
Trusted sources
