You are lying there while he pumps away and your mind is miles away thinking about your grocery list because nothing is happening. If your clitoris refuses to cooperate, you are not broken. You just need a new strategy that throws pressure out the window.
- Pressure level
- Zero
- Main focus
- Clitoral touch
- Best tool
- Warm fingers
- Goal
- Pure pleasure
01Drop The Performance
You put way too much pressure on your body to perform on command every single time you get naked. When you stress about crossing the finish line, your nervous system tightens up and shuts down your sexual response completely. You need to give yourself permission to feel nothing at all without making it mean something terrible about your relationship or your body. For more, read How To Use Sex Toys For Better Solo Play.
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1
Stop watching
Take the mirror away and stop staring at your vulva waiting for something to happen.
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2
Breathe slow
Take deep breaths into your belly to force your pelvic floor muscles to finally relax.
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3
Drop expectations
Decide right now that tonight is just about friction and warmth with zero goals.
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4
Change thoughts
When your brain worries about climaxing, force your mind back onto the heavy friction.
02Warm Up The Engine
Your clitoris is packed with thousands of hyper-sensitive nerve endings that hate being rushed into heavy action. If he dives straight between your legs with dry fingers or thrusts too hard before you are wet, you will feel numb or annoyed. You need a long slow buildup that floods your pelvis with warm blood long before anyone touches your most sensitive spot directly.
03Find The Right Touch
Most mainstream porn teaches men that jackhammering the clitoris like a loose button is the way to make you scream. In reality, that kind of rough direct friction hurts like hell and makes you want to push him away. You need gentle circular motions or soft rhythmic strokes right beside the main bundle rather than pounding directly on top of it.
- Direct pounding feels like rubbing raw skin against sandpaper after only two minutes.
- Pacing your breathing with his strokes helps your brain stay inside your body.
- Pressing the fatty pad just above your clitoris dampens the intensity if it gets too sharp.
04Change Your Angles
Missionary puts his weight right on your pelvis and squashes your clitoris so it cannot swell up or get the attention it craves. You need positions that press his pubic bone directly against your bundle while he moves inside you. Grab a firm pillow and shove it right under your lower back to tilt your hips up for better contact.
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1
Pillow boost
Slide a thick pillow under your hips to shift the entry angle completely.
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2
Cowgirl control
Sit right on top of him so you can grind your clitoris against his pelvic bone.
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3
Spooning magic
Lie on your side while he enters from behind and reaches around to stroke you.
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4
Edge together
Match his thrusting speed to the rhythm of his fingers on your clitoris.
05Bring In Toys
There is zero shame in admitting that human fingers and tongues sometimes need a little electric backup to get the job done. A small bullet vibrator delivers steady high frequency pulses that fingers simply cannot match on a tired night. Let him hold the toy against you while you kiss so you both share the pleasure of the climax.
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